Hello Me, What’s Up


Are you listening? Are you reading? Are you … lost? Ah, that sounds a lot like me, trying to find my way around this dark distraction free writing tool. In a sea of darkness within and without my mind, the distraction and the focus have blended as one. It’s the tangle that’s just mixed up into one single full screen of ondhokar, no maze lines to trace my way in or out of it. Some of it I intend to remain this obscured and some of it I need to make sense out of. You may know of writer’s block that an empty piece of paper can trigger. I’m not a writer (I’d be out of a job anyway with this horribly slow rate of writing) but even expressions don’t just occur in nice English sentences. They would be like road wrecks of midway collisions of countless number of thoughts or just tho__’s (that is incomplete thoughts for those without imagination).

So what can I talk about today if I’m blinded and gagged by this morose darkness? What do I feel you need to know and what do I feel I need to tell? Are they the same or are they different? Will I tell anything at all or will I just keep asking? Will I have only thoughts to be confined in the prison that’s my mind or will I tell about all the new things I learnt of and write it down like a journal that’d be just of as much as interest as merely knowing that I did take the trouble to write something on this day?

Is it important to write what I consider a standard size blog post, filling it up with what I maybe currently working on or learning about on the Internet or the real world or is it just enough to just write random stuff that is the chaos in my head and try justifying it as a post (coz I fucking said so). Here goes nothing, (yea finally! right?)

Let me write about what my days (or rather weeks) are like nowadays. Weekdays are all about work and/or carrom in the daytime and dinner decisions (after all outside dining options have closed down more than an hour before) in the night time when I wake up to sleep late every night….day. Besides carrom (and more importantly the control I’ve been gaining in stops and starts over how much it took my time in office), there are a few interesting things I have been doing that makes my days, especially the workdays feel much more fruitful. I have been listening to the podcasts at a much more aggressively frequent rate than I’ve done since leaving Goa (where I did have a distance to commute and time to listen to them). I know that there is simply no commute time to finish even a few episodes in the time I take to reach my home from office. So I made it a point to walk as long as I possibly can to listen to as much of the podcasts each day or as often as I possibly could take such long walks. It all started with just giving it a shot around my office building with <= 30 minutes for the tech park back gate to close off. My main focus does remain listening to the podcast episodes and thus I don’t necessarily walk with the intention of burning calories as much as learning and forming wonderful memories. There is such an unbelievably myriad world that exists out there that I listen to on almost every weekday that I find time for myself. Nothing else, no one around feels as interesting to listen to after all that. So much positive ideas and experiences as well as negative deeply disturbing experiences to gain from and absorb the depth of it all.
I most definitely listen on my way to office and luckily through my breakfast time, if no one accompanies me. Some company also act busy with their phones, so I don’t feel rude plugging them out with my earphones (guarantee of them working is guarantee of my sanity). On the other hand, the long walks happen at the end of the workday for obvious reasons (unbearable daytime temperature). I usually have a set amount of distance that I do walk and I may or may not reach or cross 10k steps in those days depending on how many times I ran up to a dev for nagging them about my open bugs or potential issues. As of now, all the walking hasn’t helped me really cover large distances faster (bummer, I know) but I can comfortably (key word) walk considerably long distances than I ever took a chance for. This means there are days, I walk around the entire tech park (or technically right through it) and get back to my back gate in time (or a little earlier for the next time slot that it opens) and there are days when I feel like just walking right up to the front gate and going all the way around the park (from the outside) back to my home. The difference between getting back to home between the two gates is between few hundred meters and few kilometers. The confidence to get home just walking while listening to some amazing quiz shows, history lessons, comedy sketches, true stories and so on is most uplifting.

Coming to carrom, it’s hard to talk about something that’s been such a heavily abused escape at times. At times, it didn’t matter if I played well or I was total fail. I just kept going back to it and just playing on it as much as I could find time for. I do have a lot of people who know me as the one who plays carrom a lot (more than others…I seriously couldn’t care about who else would have the time). I also do know people who play carrom and who are almost exclusively from all other departments than mine whom I used to play so much with, initially. It’s never a bad thing to be known a little extra, right? Well, even if for being a little more crazy at times. What started to put a dent into this habit is the initiative to just find some space and some time to do some walking simply as a way to keep catching up with my podcast subscriptions. As I kept on listening through the downloaded content, I realized that I had to get more time for doing this and more distance to cover as a result. So I did start leaving much earlier than the time that the gate closes. I thought of just giving it a try and seeing if I can make it before the gate closes. As I said above, the gate does open for a few minutes half an hour later and worst case scenario, it is possible to stay back in office as well (This was way before I confidently covered the much longer route back to home from the front gate). I catch myself walking at a fast pace, fast rhythm while listening to my podcasts and I be like, “hey, slow down! I better finish this episode tonight”. This all helped me figure that I could take more initiatives towards taking back control from the need to be at the carrom table and looking for miracles within the same old strikes and shots. It kinda helped my game and my work, both.

So right here, I got to the point of realizing that the yawns were just getting in my way of looking at what I was typing or even what I was thinking, so I had to let go. But of course, that’s such a bad choice to make if you are not the kind of people who can resume their flow after a break (I’ve tried that. Those efforts are called drafts. Unfinished drafts).
This is obviously quite a dated post but quite relevant all the same.


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