The Expanding Void
A void is there in my life. A blank that has been created from taking the freedom to desert employment and seek admission to higher studies. It feels like a void because a large portion of the daily life is now open for me to choose how to live it, spend it, use it.
Initially all the non-work related activities (mostly on the internet) that were a regular routine at workplace eclipsed majority of the day while at home. Theoretically I had to read through entrance preparation texts. I even have them within easy reach, but I confess that I’ve been unable to control the habit of being online almost 8-9 hrs a day online at work with the internet just a browser tab away. Social networking sites had grown over me beyond control. I felt they took over the same amount of my time and attention as work email used to during my employment. I alone and partly my ex-colleagues would know I preferred checking and replying to work email more than geting to office on time.
It might’ve taken a month or maybe a bit more but right from day one I bet without me being totally aware, I was helplessly getting entangled into my own addictions and dependency on the internet. I just was going from one site to the next, article to article, tweet to tweet, conversation to conversation and never ever stepping back and realising that there is no reasonable end to this habit. There’s enough content to keep fuelling it forever.
I think however that I am definitely not giving up on my hopes despite the seemingly hopeless person that I’ve become. I am planning and executing small steps towards improvement. I’m just not sure if I’ll improve enough in time, but that’s not my focus. Given that there is so much work to be done on getting me back in control of my life than vice versa I am just encouraging myself through one improvement at a time to try hard and leave more and more of my negative habits that’ve rushed into fill the void.
To start with, I’d like to thank Facebook for screwing up policy terms so many times that they gave me enough reason to leave for good. Secondly, I am experimenting currently with staying off Twitter for a week. Tried it for a day didn’t work, so now a week. Reason being that you aim for 95% and you score atleast 75%. Another 3 days to go I think to finish the week. It’s been easy to give up on these two time-suckers, but guess what? As these addictions have been removed and ignored with relative ease, the void has filled in again. This time as I wrote in my previous article, I want to fill up the void with activities that help me increase my attention span and focus.
NaBloPoMo is definitely a really helpful discovery where the writing prompts and/or the theme of the month is helping me get back to blogging freestyle and I hope I’ll keep improving on the content despite being microblogging for all this while. This post was my attempt to literally take NOW (June theme) as the writing prompt and confess to everyone what the reality is. Its a way to make me more responsible to take charge of how my life is shaping up through the habits I decide to take on hereafter.
Filed under: NaBloPoMo | 2 Comments
Tags: addiction, confession, habits